In Febris Veritas
by jayer
Summary: Leo has to face some brutal truths and decide what really matters, his ego or his friends. Post So Tell Me.
1. Chapter 1

Leo couldn't sleep. The room was too quiet without the sound of Jordi's breathing, without the restless shifting from another of his fevered nights, without the quiet murmurs of Nurse Jackson as she worked. They had become a kind of music in the room. Now with them gone the silence was too much. Ironic that only a short time ago Leo had argued with Dr McAndrew about giving him a roommate. But he'd been overruled because there would be no fussy family etc. Jordi needed a roommate because he was utterly alone, an orphan. Who better for him than someone that understood exactly what he was going to go through. And Leo had embraced the idea because he wouldn't feel like such a freak being the only amputee.

_And then it all fell apart. He still wasn't sure what set Jordi off. One minute they were hanging out in the school room, the next they were fighting._

_"You know what your problem is." Jordi shouted, his face flushed and sweaty. "You have to be the top. You can't stand losing. You can't stand anyone that gets what you wanted, what you had."_

_"Yo J-Man, chill." Jordi practically shoved Dash away._

_"Leo the great sports star loses his leg. Sucks but you're alive. Few more weeks of rehab and you'll walk out of here and never look back. I get to keep my leg and you break your promise because you have to sulk. Screw that my cancer might not go away, that I might never leave here._

_"Leo the popular kid who can't stand now being the center of everyone's attention. So what that I'm getting that attention because I puke my guts up six times a day._

_"Leo the loner doesn't want a roommate, doesn't want all that messy family stuff. You hate me because I'm the lucky one, my mother walked out on me._

_"Ruben leaves ME his car and you can't stand that I got something you didn't. And Emma, that is the real prize isn't it. You had her, you screwed it up, but you can't stand that she cares about anyone else. Screw that nothing has happened other than her being the only real friend I have around here. She's the only one that's nice to me because she wants to be. The nurses, the doctors, it's their job. But Emma is my friend. And you can't have that because you don't want her to care about anyone else. So you give me warnings, you send Dash to make sure I got the message. You kiss her like a dog pissing to mark his territory."_

Leo knew he shouldn't have done it. He should have seen that something was wrong. Jordi wasn't the screaming type. Not just because he was utterly exhausted from his chemo making him sick, he just wasn't. What was it he told Dash, he wasn't about to screw up his life being weirdly perfect over a fight about a girl. Something like that. And he was the one that avoided being alone with Emma, even inviting Leo to go on that drive. He didn't take sides when Leo and Emma nagged at each other. Yeah he didn't flinch when Emma touched him, but even Leo understood that. Heck it was half of why he and Emma first hooked up. When you are being poked and prodded by doctors all day there's something irresistible about being touched by someone friendly.

But he forgot all that in the moment. He forgot everything he knew, he felt. He only knew that Jordi was screaming at him, getting into his face. His defenses were up, his nerves on fire. It was instinctive.

But Leo knew he shouldn't have thrown that punch. He knew it the split second after it happened, watching in a sick slow motion as his fist landed square on Jordi's jaw. Watching as Jordi lost his balance and hit the floor. Leo could still see the look of horror on their faces.

And then got worse.


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell, Leo?" Kara at him.

Leo shook his head like he was coming out of a daze. Kara was glaring at him. Emma and Dash were both on the ground next to Jordi.

"Kara, get help." Emma half shouted.

Kara practically slammed into Leo as she ran outside.

"Put this under his head." Dash was pulling off his hoodie.

"Jordi, can you hear me?" Emma held his hand as Jordi twitched uncontrollably.

It was only perhaps a minute before a pair of nurses arrived with a gurney. In a matter of seconds they had scooped Jordi up and were wheeling him across the lobby to the ER. Emma was following behind them. In a surprising move, Kara actually put her arm around the other girl and walked with her.

Dash held a hand out to stop Leo from following. "Haven't you done enough?" Then he turned and walked out without waiting for an answer.

Leo followed a few feet behind in silence. He found the others huddled outside an exam room. The only thing stronger than the glares they gave the nurse who suggested they go to their rooms were the ones they gave Leo. If looks could kill Leo would be toast. He'd never seen looks of such disgust and hatred. They blamed him.

Dr McAndrew flew past them with hardly a look.

"What happened?"

"Appears to be a febrile seizure." The ER doctor barely gave McAndrew a glance as she continued working. "Vocal cords were freezing so we intubated. Also started an IV and gave him anti-convulsants. Got him under the cooling blankets."

"Good." McAndrew nodded, looking at the monitors. "Pulse is weak. What's his temperature?"

"103.6." A nurse chimed in.

"One of the students said he and another boy were having some kind of fight. Mostly a lot of yelling. Then the other one threw a punch." The doctor motioned to the bruise already forming on Jordi's jaw

McAndrew shook his head. "That doesn't sound like Jordi."

"He's a chemo patient?"

"Yes. Just started a new round." McAndrew sighed. "The drugs or the fever could cause an altered mental state. I need to rule out infection."

"You want a tap? Or just blood work?"

"I'll do a tap. Quickest way." McAndrew looked up at the kids still standing outside. "Can you prep him? I'll be right back."

They all looked up as the doctor walked into the hallway.

"Is Jordi okay?" Emma was the first to speak.

"No, he's not. But right now we need to figure out what is going on so we can help him. And I need the four of you to go back upstairs."

"We'd rather stay, please."

"I know you would but I need you to do this for me, okay. I promise I'll tell you everything I can as soon as I know." He watched as they silently left, Leo walking several feet behind them.

"We're ready."

McAndrew walked back into the room. "Okay Jordi," he reached for the needle, "what's going on."


	3. Chapter 3

"Nurse Jackson, is there any news about Jordi?"

"Nothing yet."

"How can there be nothing? It's been hours."

"Kara, Emma. I promise as soon as we know something, I'll tell you." Jackson waved them away. "Please find something to do that isn't in my way so I can get my rounds done."

"Let's go hang out in my room," Emma suggested. Jackson noticed Leo standing in the doorway to his room. The girls and Dash had been avoiding Leo like he was a leper. Jackson had only heard part of the story, enough to know the three of them blamed Leo for Jordi's condition, not enough to know if it was a fair view of these. Unfortunately between Jordi, Charlie and the general chaos of the day, she hadn't had time to sit the all down and deal with their argument.

"I'll leave a note for Dash."

"Leave me a note about what?"

"We're going to go hang in Emma's room."

Jackson noticed Dash glance at Leo and Jordi's room. "Cool, let's book."

Their departure was cut off by Dr McAndrew stepping out of the elevator.

"Dr McAndrew, what's going on with Jordi? Is he okay?" The girls pounced as soon as they saw him.

Dr McAndrew motioned for them to sit in the small lounge area next to the nurses station. He saw Leo lurking nearby, but said nothing about the boy keeping his distance.

"What's up with J-Man, Doc?"

"He's okay. Not great but he's not in any danger at the moment."

"But . . ." Emma, always one to catch the subtly unspoken bits.

"Give it to us straight." Kara added.

"Jordi had a seizure. And his temperature jumped up far higher than it should have. Dangerously high. And there was his odd behavior. We haven't known Jordi for that long but he doesn't strike me as a fly off the handle kind of guy."

"J-man is definitely the moody quiet artist guy." Dash half laughed.

"Exactly." McAndrew nodded. "The fever was likely the cause of both symptoms. Once we got his temperature down both stopped. But what caused the fever. We haven't figured that out yet. There are three likely possibilities.

"First. We tried adjusting Jordi's chemo meds this round because he had such a bad reaction to the first round. The hope was to avoid the constant fevers and the vomiting so Jordi wouldn't e dehydrated or lose so much weight, both of which are bad conditions in general. The fever, the seizure could be a reaction to the new drugs. A reaction that is atypical but Jordi's body had an atypically fast and harsh reaction to the first round so it's not impossible.

"Second. Chemotherapy kills cancer cells but it also kills a patients immune system. So we have to consider an infection his body can't fight off. It could be anything from any upper respiratory infection to meningitis or even encephalitis. We're waiting for results from a battery of blood, narrow and spinal fluid tests to see if there's any infection. In the meantime Jordi is being kept in the ICU."

"So we can't see him?"

McAndrew shook his head. "He's being kept in an isolation room under high quarantine protocols. Besides he's basically out of it. We were able to lower his temperature out of the danger zone but he's still got a low grade fever."

"How long before he comes back?"

"I won't know until the lab results are back. Best case I don't want him brought back until he's fully rehydrated, fever gone. So likely another 3-4 days."

"Can he have his phone? So we can text him at least."

"I'll see what I can do."

McAndrew got up to leave.

"Wait up a sec, Doc. You said three reasons. What's the last one?"

"The last one is that we might be too late and Jordi's cancer has spread into his spine or even his brain." McAndrew said solemnly. "I'm praying that one isn't true because it's the one of the three we have the worst odds of treating."


	4. Chapter 4

"We should do something."

"Kara, he's in the ICU. Even when he gets out I doubt he's going to be up for a party."

"It doesn't have to be a PARTY. But you know, something to celebrate."

"Emma, Kara's right. Jordi's been thrashed that's worth a little something something."

"Dash, you're as crazy as Kara. But if you can think of something that would be appropriate for a minor and not exhausting celebration I'm in"

"Cool."

Leo could hear them chatting inside the classroom. He took a deep breath and walked in behind a couple of the other kids.

"Hey guys." Leo said casually as he sat down.

"So," Kara didn't glance in Leo's direction. "Maybe we could get him something for his room."

"Yeah." Emma nodded. "He's all hospital issue everything. It's so cold and impersonal."

"That sounds awesome," Leo chimed in. "How can I help?" His question was met with silence. None of them would even acknowledge he was there.

"How about some lights?" Emma suggested. "All the holiday stuff is out and we could get a couple of strings of lights, maybe a little Charlie Brown looking Christmas tree."

"The lights sound rad," Dash laughed. "But it's way too early to think about Christmas."

"Good point."

"It's weird but what about a blanket. Something that isn't that nasty hospital snot yellow."

"Good morning class." Mrs Benton walked into the room.

"Let's do lunch in my room and figure it out." Emma whispered before opening her books.

Leo tried to pay attention but his thoughts kept going back to his friends ignoring him. Dash had always been his wingman and now he was joining in on the "Leo is not there" game. It hurt. He was worried about Jordi also. He screwed up and he knew it and everyone was treating him like trash. He couldn't prove it but he suspected that Jordi had asked Dr McAndrew to not talk to Leo about him. Forcing him to lurk around corners to try to find out anything. But he was pretty sure they knew he was listening and avoided the topic. Or maybe he was just being paranoid and no one was hiding anything from him on purpose.

Mostly his thoughts kept returning to what Dr McAndrew had said about how Jordi might be really really sick. If the others were talking about Jordi getting out of ICU that would be a sign that he isn't. Or maybe the doctor just hadn't told them yet. And then there was what Jordi had said to him. Was he right? Was Leo just a self centered jerk? Had everything he had done really just been a way to get attention. He hadn't thought so but maybe he was wrong.

"Okay everyone, that's all for today." Mrs Benton's voice cut into his thoughts. Had it really been a whole hour. "Since its October for our next reading assignment we're going to look at the stories and poems of Edgar Allan Poe. I want you all to get in groups of two or three and you are going to each draw the name of a writing out of my witches hat which you will present to the class. I have some questions you can use as a guide for what to talk about."

Kara, Emma and Dash quickly jumped up together as a group, picked up their books and worksheet and pulled their title. Leo didn't even bother to try to join them.

"Hey Wesley," Leo turned to the kid that typically shared his table. Wesley, or Wheezer as they called him behind his back due to his severe asthma. "Wanna be partners?"

"Uh sure." Wesley shrugged. "okay" There was a tone of pity in the other boys voice.

They gathered their books and such and agreed to meet after Leo's physical therapy.

Between PT and working on their assignment the afternoon went quickly. Leo soon found himself walking back to his room. He saw the others sitting in the lounge but didn't notice Nurse Jackson or Dr McAndrew also in the room with them. Not until he overhead Emma's question.

"When?"

Leo stepped back out of the doorway to listen, hoping none of them had seen him and would clam up.

"The test results should be back in the morning so unless there is something wrong he'll be back tomorrow afternoon."

"That's awesome."

"We wanted to do something to welcome him back."

"He's still pretty tired."

"Yeah, that's why we were thinking we might decorate or something."

"That would be nice. If Nurse Jackson is okay with it."

"As long as you don't do anything that might mess with the equipment or trip me when I'm walking around, have at it."

"We better get busy then." Leo heard shuffling and a moment later Kara and Emma were walking out and walking away from him.

"Hold up a second, Dash."

"What's up doc?"

"There was something else. I didn't want to put you on the spot in front of the others."

"Okay."

"Jordi asked to be moved to another room."

"He doesn't want to room with Leo."

"No he doesn't. Not after the fight they had."

"So what, you want me to switch?"

"you've been asking to move into the Swamp for a while. So if you want to, then sure."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Then are you okay with having a roommate?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Sure, Jordi's cool. Besides I"ll be leaving soon anyway."

"Thanks. Perhaps you better go tell the girls so they are decorating the right room."

Dash noticed Leo out of the corner of his eye as he left the room but said nothing.

Leo was gutted. He had thought once Jordi was out of the ICU he'd convince the others to drop their grudge. Surely Jordi understood that it was just the heat of the moment and it wasn't all Leo's faults. Or perhaps he didn't.

Leo walked down the hall to their, no his room. He wanted to go talk to Ruben about what happened but the older man was gone, off on his hindu spirit quest. He couldn't talk to Dr McAndrew as the doctor was clearly on Team Jordi. So Leo was stuck with only himself. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Brittany dropping off his dinner or picking it back up. He didn't notice the room getting darker or even when he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Leo woke up and actually felt more tired than the night before. He hadn't felt like that since the days of his chemo treatments when the fevers, the shaking, the puking kept him from really sleeping. Only now it was his thoughts keeping him awake.

He couldn't stop going over what happened, trying to figure out how he didn't see that something was seriously wrong. He had lived more or less exactly what Jordi was going through, how did he miss it. How did all of them? They were together so much, way more than the doctor or nurses were around them, they should have noticed. Had he really been so self centered that he wasn't paying attention to the rest of them? So much for being a 'band of brothers'.

The notion actually made Leo feel disgusted at himself. He had clued in when Dr McAndrew insisted that Jordi room with Leo, he understood that he was supposed to be a kind of big brother, a pseudo mentor that Jordi would hopefully open up to and admit the stuff he wouldn't say to the doctors and nurses, like he was scared shitless about what was going to happen. It didn't take a near genius like Emma to see any of that. But it did take a near jackass to screw it up. The question now was how to fix it, if it could be fixed.

Leo climbed out of bed and into the shower. He wasn't sure what he was going to do but he knew he had to do something.

"Morning Leo" Nurse Dobler was all smiles as she brought in his breakfast. Then again she was always smiles. It was like she was on some permanent sugar high. Well all the time other than the whole Homecoming night. She actually acted a little irritated that night. It was the first time Leo hadn't thought she was a robot.

"Morning." Leo half grunted as he pulled on his shirt. He plopped down on his bed and lifted the tray cover. "Scrambled eggs with salsa and sausage."

"You prefer sausage over bacon and eggs with salsa is your favorite, right?" It was amazing and kind of creepy that she knew things like that. Leo had heard a rumor that she could even tell what other staff members had been doing the night before based on what they wore to work. Like how she knew if Dr McAndrew had a date because he always wore a certain tie if he'd gotten laid. Leo wasn't sure if the rumor was true but it had given them all a good laugh.

"Yeah, it is."

"You've been such a grump this past week I thought you might cheer up if you got something you really like."

"uh, Nurse Dobler. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Say you did something bad and you know it was bad"

"Leo, have you just tried just apologizing to Jordi."

"It's not that simple."

"Sure it is. You got mad, He got mad, you both probably said some stuff you didn't totally mean and yeah hitting him was a really jerk move. But you're teenagers, lack of impulse control kind of comes with the raging flood of hormones. And if he's really a friend then he'll forgive you if you admit it was a jerk move and say you're sorry. And if he doesn't forgive you then, cold hard truth, he's not really a friend and you should just move on. It's not like you're going to be here forever.

"As for the rest of them, they're mad at you because they think you don't think you did anything wrong. They think you think Jordi deserved getting punched. If you apologize, and they're your friends, they'll forgive you even if Jordi doesn't."

"But that means making people pick sides. And if they all pick me over Jordi that makes him alone. He doesn't even have his parents."

"Maybe. But the other option is that you let them keep hating you and feel awful."

"Thanks." Leo picked at his breakfast.

"Sure." She stopped in the doorway and turned back to give him a smile. "You have a good heart, Leo. I know you'll do the right thing."

Her parting words echoed in his mind as Leo walked to class. Leo barely got to the room before the teacher. He tried to focus on the lesson but he found himself watching the others from his seat of banishment in the back of the room. It wasn't that they were doing anything in particular, they just seemed totally relaxed and normal. Emma was sharing her book with Jordi, Dash was drawing something on Kara's notebook. It was like they weren't even in a hospital.

"Okay, for next week I want everyone to write five pages on how World War I changed gender roles, both in homes and in the workplace. And please remember that grammar and spelling do matter."

Leo shoved his stuff into his book bag as quickly as he could. He scrambled to catch up with the others in the hallway.

"We can work on our papers in my room." He could hear them talking as he got closer.

"Isn't that cheating?"

"Kara, I just meant we could talk about what stuff we could talk about and then write our own papers."

"I'm in. J-Man?"

"Sure. Why not spend my last day before I restart chemo doing homework."

"That's right." Kara grimaced. "You get all pukey again."

"Well its only five pages. And we only need a rough draft today, there's time to edit it later. So a couple of hours of work on our papers and then we can watch a movie. Jordi's pick."

"Wait, is this Emma or have you been replaced by some kind of Emma looking alien that actually knows how to not study all the time." Dash laughed and tossed an arm around her shoulder.

"You can forget about asking me to proof read your paper to fix your hideous spelling."

"Hey Jordi." Leo cut in as he reached them. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He got no reply.

"Let's eat outside."

"It looks like it's going to rain."

"Oh please, it never rains in LA."

"Seriously, Jordi." Leo stepped in front of them. "I really need to talk to you."

They walked around him without a glance.


	6. Chapter 6

Leo dug through his stuff until he found the jersey. Man U, one of the greatest soccer clubs in the world. Leo and his family had flown to England to visit his uncle who was living there for work. He still remembered going to the game, every play. He remembered telling his uncle that one day he was going to come back and play for the team. His uncle had bought him the jersey as both a souvenir and a reminder.

When he had his first surgery, back before they were forced to take his whole leg, that day had been his perfect moment.

Now it was more like a cloak of strength. Stupid and childish but even after everything Leo felt invincible when he put it on. And he needed to feel that because he was about to face a lion. No not a lion, more like a pack of really hungry hyenas.

It wasn't how he wanted to do it but he'd quickly figured out that the only way he was going to pull this off was if he had a captive audience. If Jordi could walk away it was no good. And there was only one place Jordi would be trapped.

Leo took a deep breath and walked into the room. He expected one of the nurses to stop him but they were preoccupied with their duties.

He wasn't all that surprised to find the others were there also. Of course they would be. They wouldn't let Jordi sit down there all alone. At least one of them would be there.

"Jordi." Leo walked up. They ignored him.

"Okay, fine. Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. Pretend like I'm not here. But I've got something to say and this time I'm saying it. I'm not leaving until I do and if you guys want to ask like two year olds with this silent treatment BS, go for it.

"I'm really pissed at you, Jordi. You're really being a jerk. And you need someone to tell you that. I thought we were friends. I tried to be a friend. A real friend, not a fake one. Not a friend at school who forgets about you after the bell rings kind of friend. I wasn't just pretending so I wouldn't look like a tool after I said that whole loser thing. I really tried to be there. I meant what I said up on the roof. I mean what I said in our room that night.

"I'm not saying I was perfect, but I tried to be honest. You weren't. You had all this shit up in your head and you didn't say it. You thought I was being a complete ass and you didn't say anything. And you're right, I was. Everything you said, it was true. I was being an ass. I was jealous. I saw everyone acting the same way with you that they acted with me and I didn't like it. Especially Emma. Emma is sweet and kind and doesn't like anyone to feel lost, or sad or just bad. She doesn't like anyone to think that they don't matter or that they are just getting blown around in a tornado with no anchor. Which is fully cause that's probably exactly how she feels and she can't figure out any other way to feel safe than to starve herself which is messed up seriously. But that she tries to make everyone else feel okay is also beautiful. Even if the only thing she can think of a hug or just sitting next to you or a hand on your shoulder. It's hard not to be drawn to that like a moth to a flame. It's hard not to want that.

"I had it and I liked it and I screwed up and let her fly away. And then I saw her acting exactly the same way with you and it hit me really hard because I realized she wasn't acting that way because of me, but because that's just the way she is. And when I realized that I felt really crappy. And yeah, okay, I was used to being the top dog, the guy that gets all the attention. I was like that at school, I was like that here. And suddenly you're getting all the attention. Everyone wants to make you feel better and it's totally douchy that I was jealous of you because everyone was ignoring me when you were getting the attention cause you were sick. I'm the one person who knows just how crap ass you were feeling. I'm the one person who knows just how scary it gets when you can't even control your own body to stop shaking all the time, or puking all the time, when you feel hot and cold all at once and you can't tell if you are awake or dreaming and you just want the nightmare to stop. I should have been the one that was there for you not being annoyed that everyone else is.

"I was a douche, I was a total asshat, I was a ball sack of Mount Rushmore level huge. And I should have been able to count on you, all of you to tell me that. Real friends call each other out on bullshit. Real friends know that they can be totally honest and yeah someone might be mad at you for being honest and not talk to you for a few days, but eventually it all works out in the end. Real friends don't hold back until they are so wacked out sick it's like getting someone crazy drunk and they just let it all out.

"I'm really sorry I was such a shit. I'm sorry that I was mad at you for all this crap that isn't your fault. I'm sorry that I was mad at Ruben and Emma and everyone for trying to help you and make you feel better especially after your mom pulled a runner. I'm even sorry that your mom left and ditched you. And I'm seriously sorry that I didn't see that you were messed up and that I hit you.

"But I'm also mad that you weren't honest with me. And you still aren't. And you might not consider me your friend, you might not want me as a friend. But I do. Enough that I'm calling you out for being a jerk. Enough that I forgive you for it, too."

Leo reached under his shirt and pulled off his wrist band. He dropped it in Jordi's lap and walked out without saying a word. He'd said his peace. And whatever happened, happened.

The rest of the afternoon went quickly. Leo went to physical therapy and endured being nagged at for being late. He ate dinner alone in his room. Afterwards, he went down to the classroom to work on his paper. He was there so late that one of the nurses had to tell him it was after his bed time.

The lights were out in his room. Not that it mattered, Leo knew the layout with his eyes closed. So he was surprised when he bumped into something just inside the door. He heard a moan and realized it was a bed.

"Jordi?" Leo carefully edged his way around the bed. Jordi was curled up in the bed in a restless sleep. Leo picked up the blanket that had fallen off and carefully tucked it around the other boy. As he climbed into his own bed he felt something on his pillow. With a smile, Leo slipped the wrist band back on his arm. He laid down and within minutes was asleep.


End file.
